Someone doesn’t answer the message. Someone withdraws from society. In everyday situations, someone begins to see the hidden meanings that they promote to others. In such and similar examples, one can recognize different patterns of experiencing oneself and others, which are not transitory, but become a stable way of functioning.
In everyday life, we all sometimes withdraw, suspect someone’s intentions, or feel that we don’t fit in. But with some people, such patterns are not occasional, but permanent and strongly shape their relationships, work and daily functioning. What connects them is emotional distance and a specific way of interpreting people and situations, but within these similarities there are also important differences.
Below I provide a brief overview of each of these behavior patterns, which belong to a group of personality disorders characterized by more pronounced social distance, mistrust and a specific way of experiencing oneself, others and the world around them.
- The paranoid pattern: when the world seems threatening
People with this pattern often live with a pronounced mistrust and a tendency to interpret neutral or everyday situations as a sign of threat, rejection or bad intentions. In practice, this looks like constantly questioning other people’s motives, having a hard time forgiving, and feeling that there is an ulterior motive behind other people’s actions, even when there is no real evidence for it.
For example, if a colleague at work does not respond to a message, a person may perceive it as ignoring, deliberately avoiding or a sign of disrespect, rather than just being busy. If someone changes the tone in the conversation, it can be interpreted as coldness or hidden criticism.
This way of perceiving the world often creates constant internal tension and leads to the fact that a person increasingly “reads between the lines”, looking for hidden meanings in the behavior of others. Over time, this can result in withdrawal from the relationship, as the constant feeling of wariness and mistrust becomes emotionally draining.
- The schizoid pattern: when closeness is not a need
This pattern is dominated by emotional distance and a markedly reduced need for close relationships. People often seem withdrawn, reserved and as if social contacts are not particularly important to them. It’s not shyness or introversion, but a consistent pattern in which closeness and emotional exchange with others is simply not an inner need.
In everyday life, this may appear as a person who prefers to spend time alone, chooses jobs and activities that do not require much social interaction, and rarely shows emotions in a way that is easily read by others.
For example, a person can function very stably at work and in everyday duties, but does not feel the need for socializing, does not seek close relationships and does not perceive loneliness as a problem that needs to be solved. To others, such behavior often appears as coldness or emotional inaccessibility, although the person inside does not experience it that way, but as a natural and pleasant way of functioning.
- Schizotypal pattern: when reality is experienced differently
Unusual patterns of thinking, perception and behavior are present here. Everyday situations can acquire additional, personal or symbolic meanings, which are not clear to others
recognizable. People may have specific beliefs, the experience of “signs” or the feeling that behind ordinary events there are messages that are aimed specifically at them.
They can seem eccentric in their speech, behavior or dress, and social situations often cause them discomfort, insecurity and a feeling of not belonging. For example, a person may believe that random events have personal meaning or that they “feel the energy” of other people in a way that the environment does not share or understand. In conversation, she may appear clumsy, aloof, or unusual, although her inner experience may be very rich and complex. Although they often have a pronounced inner world, close relationships can be difficult for them because others find it hard to understand them, and they perceive social situations as a source of tension and misunderstanding.
What is in the background and can it be changed?
Such patterns do not arise from a single cause, but from a combination of several factors – early experiences, family relationships, temperament and biological sensitivity to stress. For some people, long-term emotional insecurity, unpredictable relationships or demanding experiences in childhood play an important role.
One of the characteristic features of these disorders is a reduced or partially weakened ability to see into one’s own functioning, or the so-called low insight. This means that the person most often does not recognize that his patterns of thinking, experiencing and behaving deviate from the usual ones or that they create difficulties for him. The key problem lies in the fact that these people rarely realize that the problem originates with them; instead, they project their inner psychological conflicts, insecurities and fears onto the outside world and the people around them. For them, the problem is not in their perception of reality, but in the “bad”, “threatening” or “strange” intentions of others. Since these patterns are long-lasting and subjectively quite “normal” for the person himself, changes in behavior and thinking are noticed much more often and earlier by the environment than by the person himself.
Although not “curable” in the sense of quick removal, these patterns can be significantly mitigated and learned to better manage their impact on daily life.
Psychotherapy is the most common and effective form of treatment. Through it, a person gradually develops insight into his own patterns, learns to recognize his emotional and cognitive reactions, and gradually builds more stable relationships and more functional forms of behavior.
In cases where there are additional difficulties such as anxiety, depression or severe difficulties in daily functioning, the psychiatrist can recommend pharmacotherapy, i.e. drugs that help alleviate these accompanying symptoms.
With professional guidance and long-term therapeutic work, changes are possible, but not in the sense of a complete change of personality, but in the direction of better functioning, less internal tension and better quality relationships.
Mirella Rasic Paoliniis a holistic mental health therapist and licensed hypnotherapist
