Men have different roles in life – friend, brother, colleague, neighbor, partner and many others. However, some of those roles can take on a toxic form, especially when they carry over into romantic relationships and become how they try to win a woman.
There are certain patterns of behavior that men often – sometimes unconsciously – adopt, which can damage the relationship with their partner. In moderation, these traits can be attractive. But when one of them becomes someone’s whole personality, the relationship can easily turn into an exhausting relationship that makes both parties want to give up on love.
Father
A man who takes on the role of “father” provides support, security and protection – qualities naturally associated with paternal care. Many women find it attractive at first because they feel safe.
However, the problem arises when he does not perceive his partner as an equal person, but as someone whom he needs to educate, guide and control.
When she makes a mistake, he scolds her or tries to dominate her. Such a relationship eventually leads to a woman behaving rebelliously and doing things out of spite, because when you treat someone like a child, there is a high probability that they will behave like that.
Bad guy
If romantic comedies have taught us anything, it’s that some women are always attracted to the “bad guy”. He is exciting, bold, spontaneous and often comes with a motorcycle or at least a leather jacket.
He’s attractive because he doesn’t try to please others – he’s just himself.
But the “bad guy” has another side. His wife can never fully trust him. He is honest, but primarily to himself and his desires.
If he wants another wife, he will not have many dilemmas. His rules apply to him, and women who are attracted to him are aware of that. That is why they often see him as a short-term adventure, and not as someone with whom they want a serious future.
Goodness
“Dobrica” is a man you would introduce to your parents without a second thought. He is sympathetic, reliable, understanding and ready to compromise.
It looks ideal on paper.
But just like paper, it often seems flat and one-dimensional. Because of this, the relationship with him can become monotonous.
The problem is not that he is kind, but that he wants to please everyone so much that he rarely says honestly what he thinks or feels. Because of this, it is difficult for the partner to know who he really is and it is difficult for him to fully trust him.
In the end, he often ends up as a “good friend” rather than a partner.
A knight in shining armor
Almost every Disney heroine walks off into the sunset with her hero – the man who comes to her rescue.
Charm, romance and confidence undoubtedly attract.
But when a woman becomes completely dependent on her partner, an unhealthy dependency relationship develops. If someone is constantly solving her problems, she never develops the ability to overcome them herself.
The relationship then grows into a relationship in which the partner is needed, even when the partner is no longer desired. Such an imbalance of power is not healthy even in fairy tales, let alone in real life.
Businessman
A businessman is rational, organized and obsessed with justice.
These are qualities that help him in his career, but can become an obstacle in love.
He keeps track of who paid for dinner, who did more household chores, and whether everything is “even.”
Romance is not his forte. His work becomes his priority, while his partner slowly falls into the background.
Although relationships imply reciprocity, they are not a business transaction. Sometimes one person will give more, other times another. When everything turns into a calculation, tenderness, sacrifice and closeness disappear.
Peter Pan
Just like the character from Nedođija, Peter Pan never grew up.
He is fun, spontaneous, playful and always ready for an adventure.
But sooner or later adult life demands responsibility.
His plans rarely come true because he is not ready to put in the effort and perseverance. He often stays below his capabilities and avoids serious problems and difficult emotions.
That’s why the relationship with him can seem superficial and unstable.
A seducer
The seducer focuses all his attention on the woman he wants to conquer.
He tells her exactly what she wants to hear and makes her feel the most beautiful in the world.
This makes it extremely attractive.
The problem is that he’s not really interested in a relationship, he’s only interested in winning. When he reaches his goal, he no longer knows what to do with the relationship he started.
He is afraid of long-term commitment and is not the type of person who wants a serious union or marriage.
Some women will fall for his charm, while others will quickly recognize his pattern of behavior.
The occasional display of one of these traits does not necessarily jeopardize the relationship. In fact, most men have a little bit of each of these roles in them. The problem arises when one of them becomes the only way they function in the relationship, because then the relationship can hardly survive, and even more difficult to progress.
The author is an international relationship counselor, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioner, and educator on dating, self-confidence, and interpersonal relationships. For more than 20 years, he has been working on improving human behavior and partnership dynamics.
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