Since becoming a baby mama again, I notice things that I may not have seen so clearly before. In cafes, restaurants, waiting rooms, shopping centers, and even in baby carriages, I increasingly see babies looking at the phone or television screen. I am particularly concerned about the fact that this is often seen as something quite normal and even useful.
“Just to calm down.”
“That’s the easiest way to eat.”
“So what’s the difference if he was watching TV or the carousel?”
These sentences have become part of everyday life.
The development of children’s brain does not work according to the principle “it will not hurt”. A baby’s brain develops through relationship, contact, touch, sight, parent’s voice and exploration of the world around him. No screen can replace these processes.
During the first nine months of life, the baby still does not have a clear awareness that it is a separate being from the mother. In her experience of the world, mother and baby form one unit. This is precisely why the baby needs not the most colorful content from the screen, but the mother’s face, voice, smell and touch. Through this relationship, a sense of security, trust and the foundations of emotional development are built.
The first years of life represent the period of the most intense brain development. This is when the foundations for attention, speech, emotional regulation, social skills and the ability to learn are created. A child who spends a significant amount of time passively watching the screen misses out on experiences that are necessary for healthy development.
Parents often say that their baby loves the TV. Babies are really attracted to rapid changes of images, colors and sounds. Attractiveness does not mean that something is useful for development. A child would probably choose sweets over vegetables every day, but that does not mean that such a diet would be good for him.
Contemporary research in the field of children’s neurodevelopment and early stimulation more and more clearly indicates the negative consequences of early and excessive exposure to screens. A study published in the journal “JAMA Pediatrics” (Christakis et al.) shows an association between increased screen time at an early age and delays in speech development. Research by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP, 2016; updated guidelines 2020) emphasizes that children under 18 months should not be exposed to screens, except in the case of video calls, because during this period learning depends exclusively on live interaction.
Longitudinal studies published in the journal “Pediatrics” indicate a link between early exposure to screens and difficulty sustaining attention in later childhood. Research in the field of neuropsychology also shows that excessive stimulation of fast visual content can affect a weaker ability of self-regulation and increased irritability in children.
In my psychotherapy work, I had a client who brought a child because of marked difficulties in attention and concentration. During family psychotherapy, a pattern was gradually observed that was repeated throughout the child’s early development. Even as a baby, the child was soothed by the television, while later, in preschool age, he ate by the phone. The screen has become a means of regulating emotions and behavior, instead of developing this regulation through the relationship with the parent and through joint interactions.
A baby does not learn speech by watching TV. He acquires speech through conversation. She learns through the smile that is addressed to her, through the face she watches while someone says words, through joint play, songs and everyday interactions.
The goal of this text is not to make parents feel guilty. Parenting today carries numerous challenges. Many parents are tired, burdened with obligations and often without adequate support. The screen sometimes becomes the fastest solution. The problem arises when such a solution becomes a daily habit.
What I keep repeating, but it’s important, is that children don’t need perfect parents, but present ones.
Your voice is more interesting and important for the baby’s development than any cartoon. Your face represents the most important content that it can observe. Your hug has more value than any screen.
It’s worth asking what we’re actually trying to soothe when we hand the baby the phone or turn on the TV. Sometimes it’s not just about the child’s need to calm down. Sometimes we try to soothe our own tiredness, weakness or the need to take a break, even for a few minutes.
Children’s development is not built by applications, phones and televisions. Children’s development is built on relationships, closeness and a sense of security. No screen has yet learned to love a child. Only man can still do that. (The author is a psychologist and family psychotherapist)
