Playing Gene Autry’s house rules (double-six poses the first game then holder of double-six poses) The Dunce never chose double-six.
After The Dunce’s double-six died three consecutive games, Dessie lost patience and threw a domino at him. The Dunce, ducking, said “What’s the problem?” Dessie replied “YOU. Why yu don’t pose double-six?” The Dunce’s explanation: “You already know I have it. It’s one less card for you to read.”
“Opponents know that too. They outnumber me two to one.” The Dunce retreated to his most biting riposte “If a macca mek it jook yu!”
That’s where perennial spectator, Haemorrhoid, took a break from complaining about “piles and piles” of files on his desk and launched one of his infamous shaggy dog stories. Buckle up. Haemorrhoid’s stories traverse long, winding, bumpy roads.
“A soap factory had a problem. Sometimes empty boxes were accidentally shipped causing trouble with buyers and distributors. Understanding the danger, the CEO assembled his top people. Six months and US$8 million later, they had a fantastic solution – on time; on budget; and high quality. Everyone was pleased.
“They solved the problem by using a special scale that sounded a bell and flashed lights whenever a box weighed less than it should. The line stopped. Someone walked over; removed the defective box; and then pressed another button to re-start the line. As a result, no empty boxes were being shipped.
“Later, CEO looked at the first week’s report. Since the scales were engaged, no empty boxes had been shipped from the factory. Each day, consistent with projections, about a dozen defective boxes were being removed. There were almost zero customer complaints and market share increased. CEO felt the US$8 million was well spent.
“However, after three weeks, the number of defective boxes picked up by the scales dropped to zero. After investigation, engineers said that report was correct. The scales really weren’t picking up any defects because all boxes reaching that point in the conveyor belt were good.
“Puzzled, CEO traveled down to the factory; viewed the part of the line where the precision scale was installed; and observed just ahead of the new US$8 million dollar solution sat a US$20 desk fan blowing the empty boxes off the belt and into a bin. He asked the line supervisor what that was about.
‘Oh, that,’ the supervisor replied, ‘Bert, the youth from maintenance, put it there because he was tired of walking over, removing the box and re-starting the line every time the bell rang.’”
After getting up from the floor where he’d been rolling while guffawing at his own joke, Haemorrhoid explained that, often, solutions to the most complex seeming problems were simple. He told the Dunce “Just pose your double-six unless there’s a compelling reason.”
I remembered Haemorrhoid’s advice after hearing Mark Golding use Democratic Socialism as a misconceived mantra to galvanize PNP supporters after publication of potential upcoming leadership challenges.
But the big problem facing PNP isn’t its leader’s identity. It’s the content of its character. These problems might be connected but the critical concern PNP should immediately address is for what does it stand. No matter what Marty McFly might tell you, problems can’t be solved by going backwards to the future. PNP, despite the circumstances of its founding and a dubious 1976 electoral success hasn’t practiced Democratic Socialism for more than 35 years. Casual big-ups of a political philosophy overwhelmingly rejected by Jamaicans for decades is no way to identify or solve PNP’s electoral problems.
PNP lost four of the last five elections and have Bruce Golding/Dudus to thank for its sole win during that time. PNP must acknowledge that it’s doing something fundamentally wrong and MUST reform. It can’t be that it continues with the same philosophies; same tactics; same political whining about JLP mismanagement/corruption especially regarding PM who has proven over three general elections that he commands majority support among Jamaican voters.
Time to stop! Think! Listen! And CHANGE!!
PNP should be using this time for profound introspection. If PNP’s Constitution needs changing, CHANGE it. PNP must differentiate itself from JLP. Fast! The way to go is to espouse DEMOCRACY not Democratic Socialism. PNP began as a bottom-up Party where genuine groups discussed genuine policies and real leaders listened to real delegates not pontificated to phantoms. When elected leader, Mark Golding promised to change PNP’s Constitution to allow every member to vote for leader.
Like the Luana Oil Refinery, we’re still waiting….
If PNP runs on Democracy vs Autocracy; if PNP democratizes itself then calls for more national democracy through constitutional reform using easily understood language (e.g. allow voters to vote for ALL political leaders not just an MP); it’ll be seen as a real alternative. Physician, heal thyself! If PNP continues to rabbit on about corruption and reflexively blocks every government initiative it’ll be exposed as no different. JLP will only need a cheap fan to blow it away.
Peace and love.
Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com
