Before Jessica Joelle Alexander after Copenhagen pulled, she could can’t imagine becoming a mother. But once she was there, the American noticed how calm and relaxed children in Denmark seemed: “I almost heard no screaming or shouting», she says. Children suddenly seemed imaginable to her, like her in one Interview with “Welt” told.
Children are taken seriously
What do Danish parents do differently? According to Alexander, they treat their children with a lot of respect. Not by treating them like little adults – but by listening to them and talking to them calmly. This is exactly what changes children’s behavior: “If we listen to children more and treat them with respect, they actually behave better.”
In the interview, Alexander also describes how different her own view of parenting used to be. In the USA it was strongly influenced by discipline and punishment. Her Danish husband saw it differently: for him it’s not about controlling children, but about solving problems together.
Not a phase of defiance, but an opportunity to learn
A central term is “Barnesyn,” which translates to “child’s perspective.” What is meant is the ability to see the world through children’s eyes. In Denmark, a defiant toddler is not read as difficult, says Alexander. Instead, the defiant phases are understood as moments in which the child tests boundaries and exercises independence.
How do you deal with the defiant phase in children?
Children should also be involved early in everyday family life. Alexander tells of a mother in the supermarket whose child wanted to climb onto the checkout belt. Instead of scolding him, she gave him food to pass along. A conflict became a moment in which the child could help.
“Just let the kids play”
It fits with the fact that Danish parents pay less attention to measurable performance, as Alexander goes on to say. Her son was made to feel stupid at an international school with lots of grades and homework. After moving to a Danish school without grades, his self-image quickly improved.
Free play is particularly important to Alexander. In Denmark it has had a high status in educational theory since 1871. Children don’t need busy afternoons with piano and karate. Boredom is allowed and encourages imagination. “Just let the kids play.”
What are your best parenting tips?
Meret Steiger (mst), has been working for 20 minutes since 2016. She is an editor for Living and Auto & Mobility and reports on living, furnishing and architecture.
