(2) Every son has a place in the heart
Most fathers and mothers are keen to love all of their children without discrimination, and many of them even say that they do not differentiate between their children in love. However, some children may grow up feeling that a brother or sister has more status, more attention, or greater appreciation within the family.
Here lies an important educational issue that is not related to the amount of love that parents have for their children, but rather to the extent to which each child feels this love. It is not enough to love all of our children, but each one of them must feel that he is loved, appreciated, and has his own place in the heart of his parents.
Educational experiences indicate that many feelings of jealousy or rivalry between siblings do not arise due to a lack of love, but rather due to one of the children feeling less important, less present, or less appreciated than others. This may happen unintentionally on the part of the parents, through comparisons, excessive praise of one of the children, constant preoccupation with one child at the expense of others, or for any other reason.
It is important for parents to realize that equality is not always fair. Children differ in their nature, needs, and circumstances, and one of them may need additional time or attention at a certain stage. But emotional fairness requires that the feelings of all the children remain preserved, and that each of them realizes and understands that increased interest in his brother in a certain circumstance does not mean that his status is lower or that his parents’ love for him has declined, and this comes through dialogue and observation of the children.
Also, the challenge is not limited to the son who feels marginalized, but may extend to the son who is accustomed to being the center of attention, and he grows up believing that this is his natural right, and that others must accept this situation. In both cases, the relationship between the brothers is affected and loses some of its balance.
A successful family is not one that makes its children compete for status in the hearts of their parents, but rather one that makes each one of them secure in his place in it. When all children feel that they are loved and appreciated, and when we raise them to understand each other’s circumstances, love grows between them, jealousy recedes, and the brotherhood that stays with them for life is established, truly becoming one of the most precious inheritances that parents leave to their children.
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