Every few months, some newspaper, website or social media account rediscovers the lobster. And with him, eternal life. “The animal that never ages!” “The crustacean that hides in its cells the secret of immortality!” And from the most daring: “A few steps away from immortality is science. The lobster holds the secret that will help us live forever.” Yes, well…
This time, it was my friend Giannis who sent me the relevant article, delighted that we finally found a way to make fun of Charo. There’s just one problem: the lobster never read those headlines, and therefore still dies normally.
The misunderstanding that fuels this perpetual para-epistemology begins with a truly impressive biological endowment. Lobster does not age as we know it. He does not lose his fertility, his external features do not change, in short he does not transform into a rickety pensioner who complains about the rudeness of youth. Instead, it continues to grow and reproduce decade after decade, thanks to an enzyme called telomerase that helps its cells stay functional and not degenerate like yours, dear reader, every time they divide, wearing out their DNA. Your telomeres (think of them as protective caps on the ends of chromosomes) shorten and eventually become so short that the cell stops dividing and dies. Lobster is strongly resisted.
Unfortunately, as impressive as this sounds, it’s not enough to cheat death. The “Great Reaper” has other tricks up his sleeve. Continuous growth is a biological double-edged sword. As the lobster grows, it is forced to change its shell. This process – of “emergence” – has a tremendous energy cost and becomes even more demanding as the size of the animal increases. At some point, then, it becomes so energy-consuming that it drains the last shred of life; and the lobster dies on the spot, from exhaustion.
In other words, lobster is not Highlander. It’s just an animal that ages differently. You see, nature has no thirst for eternal life. He doesn’t care about individuals. He only sees the big picture. He is more interested in customization and reproduction. The alternation of generations and – through it – the evolution of species seems to interest her most.
That’s why the Chimera of Immortality (as the various millionaire celebrities who have followed every available ultra-longevity protocol with characteristic failure would tell you) will remain just that: a Chimera.
As for the lobsterman – I assure you – he will continue to make sporadic appearances in the media, as a representative of a fenaki that is easy for us to believe because, simply, we wish it were true.
