- Some women suddenly feel disgusted during sex and just want to get away.
- Those affected in the community describe disgust as a distressing feeling that is often related to negative relationships or bad experiences.
- Many people still try to carry on for fear of hurting their partner or causing an argument.
- Some women say that disgust also affects emotional closeness and their own self-image.
- Sexologist Melina Dobroka describes disgust as the body’s protective reaction that is supposed to help maintain boundaries.
“Don’t act like that,” “You’ll just get through it now,” “It’ll be over soon”: some women say sentences like these to themselves during this sex themselves – even though they actually only want to leave.
Not because something “objectively bad” happens. But because suddenly there is a feeling that hardly anyone talks about: disgust. Opposite the situation. Opposite Touches. Sometimes even towards your own partner. And almost everyone who knows this feeling says the same thing: I thought there was something wrong with me.
“I looked for the fault in myself”
Anna* (45) knows this feeling from her previous long-term relationship. «I knew disgust during sex very well. I never understood it, I always looked for the fault in myself, pushed the feeling away or withdrew more and more towards the end of the relationship.”
Only afterwards did she understand what was behind it. «Today I know that I can listen to my body and take it seriously. He warns me about people and situations that harm me.”
“Disgust is a protective reaction”
She describes her relationship at the time as emotionally stressful. “He didn’t do me any good, he pulled me in with hot-cold games, kept me down and always saw me as the culprit.”
“I get a feeling of disgust very quickly”
Nadine* (26) also says that disgust is closely linked to negative experiences for her. «I know this feeling very well. I very, very quickly become disgusted with men, even when they don’t leave me alone to write.”
It is particularly difficult for them in relationships or intimate situations. “I also get a feeling of disgust during sex – it just happens. I think it probably depends on the situation, the person in front of you and your current state.”
She can almost only talk about this with her mother. “I can only discuss this feeling with her because she knows it very well.”
“It’s not his fault”
Lara* (39) describes above all the inner conflict that arises. “I know this moment very well when my body suddenly distances itself, even though everything should actually be “right.”
This feeling comes to her suddenly. “I notice how disgust creeps in and sex feels strenuous rather than easy or connected.” What’s particularly confusing for her is that she can hardly explain the feeling in concrete terms.
“The hard thing is that it almost certainly doesn’t feel like ‘It’s up to him.’ Sure, sometimes there are small situations – unconscious body noises or the like – that suddenly turn me off. But actually it goes deeper than that.”
“I think I just have to endure it.”
Nevertheless, she often tries to cover up the feeling. “I always think that I just have to stick it out now. Simply because I’m afraid of hurting him or starting a difficult discussion.”
Have you ever experienced a feeling of resentment or discomfort in intimate moments that you couldn’t quite place?
She noticed that the topic had long since influenced more than just sex. “Right now it’s really killing me because I notice how much it affects the closeness – to him, but also to myself.”
Lara believes there is more to it. “I now think that disgust is actually a kind of protective reaction. And that there’s probably something behind it that I can’t quite grasp yet. But simply ignoring it or covering it up doesn’t feel right in the long run.”
*Name has been changed.
Deborah Gonzalez (dgo) has been working at 20 Minuten since 2021. She is deputy head of the Society & Community department.
