During a rainy weekend in which I indulged in lethargic binge-watching, I watched Age of Attraction on Netflix, an American reality series in which a horde of hetero singles go on dates with each other and are allowed to discuss everything except their age. This is precisely what makes everything tick Age of Attraction about age, and this is also clearly visible in the hair transplants and filled lips of some of the participants. The shock that goes through them when the age difference is finally revealed at the end seems to be played out.
The moment in which Theresa reveals to her 27-year-old husband-to-be John that she is 54, caused more commotion among viewers than that of 60-year-old Jorge and his 33-year-younger Vanelle. Theresa allegedly looks like his mother, is a dirty pedo, and has a high cringe factor, according to the comments below the video that went viral.
For women, we find it a lot more inappropriate to chase a younger partner. We even have a special name for them: cougar – puma, a predator. The fact that the cougar and the MILF are among the most viewed porn categories and are high on the bucket list of the average rutting student does not change this.
Yet there appears to be a countermovement. Older Women Are In Demand By Younger Men noted The New York Times last April. Why Single Women Everywhere Are Turning to Younger Menwrote the British Vogue half a year earlier.
Now that we women are more financially independent, we no longer look for a partner who provides economic stability, according to the NYTbut to an attractive man with whom we can have fun. Conversely, a younger man is not looking for a traditional relationship and is not afraid of successful, confident women, according to Vogue. The young men interviewed for the piece preferred an older woman because of their self-confidence and the fact that they did not immediately have to live together or have children.
There are now podcast series about such relationships, such as: Lust by Jacqueline van Lieshout and the American one Cougar Confessions. There are dating sites such as Timeless Love and CougarLife. Or think of the success of Halina Reijn’s film Baby girl (2024) and Miranda July’s feminist cult novel All Fours (2024); it almost seems not done to arrive as a single woman over forty with a guest your own age. And anyone who, like me, has been on a dating site as a single older woman, knows that younger men approach you in large numbers.
I too am more physically attracted to a young Brazilian swimsuit model than a hairy one dad bod. I enjoyed it Heated Rivalrythe series about a forbidden love between two very horny guys in their mid-twenties, who spend three-quarters of the screen time looking at each other half-naked while drinking a water bottle. And I also went through the toyboy phase and, with a gym body fifteen years younger, showed myself and those around me that I still had it in me.
But I found the lack of shared life experience unbearable, and, unlike many older men with younger girlfriends, I felt incredibly uncomfortable in my body, naked next to the undamaged young body. I think I will be happier in the long term if I have a gentleman of the same age who still knows who the Mounties were and can deal with a successful, independent woman. But hey, that’s harder to find than a sexy as hell twink with a MILF fetish. So I wouldn’t rule anything out.
Saskia Noort is a writer.
