Verbal abuse can scar as deeply as physical abuse

Very early in my life the “sticks and stones” adage was destroyed. As soon as I began primary schooling and had to interact with what I now know as bullies I realised that words hurt immeasurably more.

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I never internalised my hurt sufficiently to not want to hurt others though. No. I learned to retaliate. It took decades and a whole bad history of being hurt and hurting people, and then a spiritual commitment to get to a better place, to temper my mouth and not destabilise people with my words. It remains a constant growth area for me.

The venerable Sir Stephen Fry, English actor, comedian, advocate, et al, turns the saying “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words/names can never hurt me” on its head in the most meaningful way for what we are about to discuss.

Fry says, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will always hurt me. Bones mend and become actually stronger in the very place they were broken… mental wounds can grind and ooze for decades and be reopened by the quietest whisper.”

This instalment comes with deep reflection.

Childhood verbal abuse (CVA) is not a specific category (but should be from my research) among the four subtypes of child maltreatment which are known to be physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect. It more likely would be considered under emotional abuse.

A 2011 study says exposure to parental verbal aggression (PVA) during childhood increases the risk for psychopathology especially mood and anxiety disorders. Like other forms of childhood abuse, verbal abuse is “associated with alterations in brain structure.”

Major psychiatric research has concluded that verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, increasing the likelihood of adult depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

Like physical abuse, “verbal abuse is a source of toxic stress, which may affect the neurobiological development of children” according to a 2025 article by the UK BMJ Group. They suggest that globally one third of all children is subjected to verbal abuse.

Despite its high prevalence though, the article points out that “policies and initiatives to prevent violence against children have tended to focus on physical abuse, often overlooking the potential impact of verbal abuse” (bmjgroup.com).

CVA has long-term mental health consequences. It acts as “chronic toxic stress,” frequently rewiring a developing child’s brain and increasing the long-term risk for severe mental health struggles.

Which of us has never raised our voices at our children? To learn that raising one’s voice at a child or using a harsh tone are among the most common behaviours associated with CVA is quietly distressing.

Other common types of childhood verbal abuse include belittling, shaming, making negative comparisons, name-calling, and scapegoating.

The side bar is from Psychology Today and gives a detailed, yet not exhaustive list of what constitutes this infraction in childhood which may account for many effects and defects in our adult life and on our adult brain, body and psyche.

Mention has been made of the mental health disorders. But CVA also significantly drives up the risk of generalised anxiety, clinical depression, and self-harm into adulthood.

Some other key impacts include:

Brain Alterations: Shaming or yelling can enlarge the amygdala (hyperactivating the threat/fear centre) and impair emotional regulation.

“Brain development is largely guided by genetic factors, but the final form is sculpted by environmental factors and early experience. Exposure to traumatic events such as childhood abuse and neglect, have been associated with alterations in the size or functional activity of a variety of brain regions” (Tomoda et al, 2011).

Relational struggles: It blunts the brain’s reward system, making it harder to trust others, build secure romantic relationships, or feel emotionally safe. Social situations and challenges become very crippling for the adult who experienced CVA/PVA.

Low self-esteem: Negative predictions and belittling are internalised, resulting in a chronically self-critical inner voice and persistent feelings of worthlessness.

The hope in dealing with this type of trauma or any childhood infraction, is that many children who have suffered or will suffer CVA or other maltreatment can have a resilient outcome and live lives free of the intense injury.

This is because of the balance that positive experiences, called protective factors, can cause on the brain.

“Despite having experienced early adversity, there can be internal and external protective factors that promote a resilient outcome. Most important are a child’s relationships—with their carers, teachers, and peers” says the UK Trauma Council (uktraumacouncil.org/resource/childhood-trauma-what-happens-when-relationships-go-wrong).

22 Types of Childhood Verbal Abuse

Verbally abusive acts can include—but are not limited to—one or more of the 22 items listed.

Any derogatory language

Belittling

Blaming

Criticising

Demeaning

Disrespecting

Humiliating

Insulting

Intimidating

Making negative comparisons