We have Father’s Day asked our communitywhat advice she would give other fathers. The answers show: It’s often not the big gestures that count, but rather time together, full attention and reliability in everyday life.
«Take an interest in your children and take your time. That’s the most important thing,” writes reader huger56. For him, a father should always be a role model: “Do what you ask of the child yourself, be attentive, decent, fair and empathetic. Show the child how to behave respectfully and politely towards other people.” Certain things have to be demonstrated so that they become accepted and become a matter of course. “Then your child will get ahead in life.”
What does the thought of your dad or a father figure in your life make you feel?
Not perfection, but presence
Probably the most common message from the community: children need present fathers. “Be there and allow yourself to be close to your children,” writes Dominic. And M., who has been a dad for a year and a half, emphasizes: “Paying your full attention and spending as much time as possible with your child is incredibly valuable.” You not only get to know your own child better, but also yourself. “At the same time, you get the opportunity to immerse yourself in your own childhood again: beautiful experiences come to life, and old toys bring back memories that you thought you had long forgotten.”
M. also experiences everyday moments as particularly formative: “Playing the same game countless times, pushing the swing with the same enthusiasm even after 20 minutes and watching the child carefully. Your own joy and enthusiasm are contagious, and the child gives you this energy back in a wonderful way.” For him, love, security and patience are the key to happy and fulfilling fatherhood. «And yes, your own ego sometimes has to take a back seat. Even if it’s not always easy at the moment, it pays off in the long term – for the child, the relationship and also for yourself.
Giving your full attention and spending as much time as possible with your child is incredibly valuable.
“The relationship with the child is probably not there from second one.”
Another theme that runs through many answers: the strenuous phases often feel endless – but they are not. “Time passes extremely quickly,” writes reader J. “Especially in the beginning, you often just live from day to day, but looking back you realize how short many phases actually were.” Lack of sleep or periods of defiance – a lot of things feel huge at the moment, but will pass at some point. Reader K. sees it similarly: Looking back, he could have approached some difficult phases “more relaxed and with more patience”.
Straight new fathers Another experience from J. is probably reassuring: “The relationship with the child is probably not there from second one. The bond often only grows over time – and that’s completely normal.” Spending time together helps. “It gets really fun relatively quickly. In the beginning there is a lot of organization, combined with insecurities and lack of sleep. But as soon as the child reacts more, laughs and shows its own personality, it quickly becomes much more beautiful and fun.” Another piece of advice that J. finds important: “Take your children seriously. You understand much more much sooner than you think – probably more than you would like. »
Commitment instead of ego
Many readers also emphasize that being a father goes far beyond the traditional role of provider. For Helacopter readers, for example, fathers who take care of everyday life, cook, help with homework, set boundaries and build real relationships with their children should be honored on Father’s Day. “And at the same time do the household chores to relieve mother. It’s hard work, everything else is wishy-washy.”
Zerberus1 also reminds us that committed fathers in particular often receive too little attention. “The good fathers are more numerous than you think – authentic role models who stand out less through their big words than through their actions.” He describes her as generous, warm, helpful, loyal and reliable. They are men “with humanity” who model fair play, listen and take responsibility. They come to the school play, the football game or the parents’ evening, are there when things get difficult, hold their children in their arms and give them support. “They are your backup for life.”
Positively influence the gender debate
In addition to caring and presence, some dads also mention their role model role in social issues. Reader Matt sees fathers as having a special responsibility. In a world that is still dominated by men, they have the chance to have a positive influence on the gender debate. They could give their sons one respectful and responsible image of fellow human beings – one in which qualities such as strength and protective instinct can also have their place. At the same time, they could give their daughters self-confidence and self-esteem so that they can “go through life as a strong woman with confidence”.
Do you have any more advice for fathers?
Carolina Lermann (ler) has been working for 20 minutes since May 2023. She is an editor for Body & Soul in the lifestyle section and writes about education, sport and psychology.
